Bones and Brains
by Lili789
Summary: A series of Skulduggery Pleasant drabbles mostly focus on Valduggery or Skulduggery and Valkyrie Cain.
1. Car Troubles

They sat in the Bentley and stared blankly ahead.

"So we're going after it...?" Valkyrie started not even bothering to keep the excitement from her voice. Skulduggery kept his eyes ahead.

"I am."

"What?" Valkyrie glared at him, but Skulduggery kept his eyes on the street in front of them.

"I am going after them."

"As in I'm not?"

"Yes." Val hardened her glare and fought the urge to hit him.

"No." Finally he looked at her.

"Excuse me?"

"No you're not going without me." She swore he was arching his eyebrow.

"Oh really?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll chain you to the car." He fixed his eyes back on the road. She snorted.

"Yeah right. That's what we in the real world like to call child abuse."

"Even so."

"You wouldn't have the guts..."

3 Hours Later

He looked at her across the seat and saw the unhappiness and anger clear on her face.

"Don't be angry."

"How am I not supposed to be angry!"

"It could be worse."

"You chained me to the car and left me in here for three hours while you went off to do your hero thing!!! And I'm still chained!" She swore she saw a slight grin reach his teeth.

"Just to make sure"


	2. Days

Days

She sat on her rock by the sea and looked out at the firey sun go behind the glistening horizon, trying to ignore the still skeleton beside her.

"Beautiful isn't it?" Skulduggery asked still not moving from his relaxed stance. She gazed at him for a second and went back to the picturesque scene in front of her.

"Yep, makes you forget." He turned his head slightly

"About what?"

"Anything. Evil."

"No it doesn't." She moved her eyes back to settle on him and a confused look reached her eyes.

"Why?"

"Maybe for you but not for me."

"Well that's as vague as you could get."

"I'm talented like that." She fought the urge to hit him but let the silence go on, expecting an answer at some point.

"I'm a living skeleton. I don't forget that often," He finally caved. She shrugged,

"I can." She could almost see his eyebrows go up.

"Just how many days do you plan on staying with me?" She smiled,

"Forever."

"That's alot of days." He returned to his original position gazing at the sunset.

"I've got time."


	3. Family

Family

She observed the cozy scene that lay before her in Gordon's living room. Tanith was curled up next to the fire with on of Gordon's first edition books. When she had found out who Val's uncle was she came over to read the rare stuff every chance she got. Ghastly was writing in the armchair next to the couch Tanith sat on. It looked like a fiction piece of writing but Ghastly refused to tell anyone what it was, even when Tanith teased him. And there he sat totally asleep with a file folder over his face and his trench coat pulled over him like a blanket. Skulduggery always complained about how chilly it was in the house though how a skeleton felt cold Valkyrie would never understand. She unconsciously leaned against the door frame listening to Tanith's reactions, Ghastly's paper rustling, and Skulduggery's snoring . This was it. This was her family, and Valkyrie couldn't have been happier.


	4. Orange

Orange

Skulduggery had always loved fire the most. He never had a reason; he had always thought it had to do with the element being the flashiest. He was nothing if he didn't enjoy showing off. That wasn't it though. He could show off with any of the elements, him being a genius after all. It bugged him that he could never put his finger on it and then the reason waltzed into his life. As she sat there conjuring her own small flame he saw the reflection in her eyes, admiring how the orange mixed with the chocolate brown. It brought a warmth to her face. Valkyrie, that was the reason. He smiled, he was a genius.


	5. Children

Children

Volunteering was required at her school their senior year, so Valkyrie had chosen the orphanage. She and Skulduggery hadn't had many cases lately and so he promised to join her if only to laugh at her in-adeptness at dealing with children. She had hit him hard for that one. They drove in the Bentley and pulled up to a rather run down old building getting out of the car. They entered through the doors much to Skullduggery's disappointment, and were met by a thin woman with a tight bun plastered onto the top of her head. She introduced herself as Ms. Haywood, the director of the orphanage, and smiled at Valkyrie though she regarded Skulduggery with a wary eye. She informed the pair that the children were just sitting down to story time but they were welcome to participate. Valkyrie looked at her with a cheeky little smile,

" Mr. Pleasant would be happy to assist!" Skulduggery cocked his head and started,

" I don't think..." Val interrupted him.

"Nonsense, you tell the best stories!" and with that Ms. Haywood led the way with Valkyrie and a very reluctant Skulduggery close behind.

They reached a large room where children of all shapes and sizes sat. All eyes stuck to them as they entered and a buzz passed through the room.

"Why's he wearing sunglasses?"

" Forget the sunglasses, his hair!?" The questions flooded until Ms. Haywood clapped getting the attention of the children.

" Kids, this is Mr. Pleasant and Ms. Cain, please welcome them." A slow clapping but it quickly died down, " Mr. Pleasant is going to tell you a story, so give him your attention." She motioned for Skulduggery to take a seat and Val made her way to sit next to a shy looking girl in the front row.

"Hello," Valkyrie attempted. The little girl blushed and looked down, her red braids covering her face.

" Hi," she whispered.

"You have very pretty hair. I wish I could get my hair to look like that." The little girl glanced up and carefully answered,

"I could do it for you..." Valkyrie gently smiled as she pulled the girl into her lap. She started right away, her smile growing with each knot. Valkyrie could vaguely hear story suggestions being shouted out and Skulduggery start a story about their adventures, changing their names. The little girl finished and Val touched the braids.

" And to who do I owe such beautiful braids?" Valkyrie joked. The girl giggled,

"Rosa," and she settled in Valkyrie's lap, listening to Skulduggery's velvety voice tell his story.

By the end Skulduggery had all the kids leaning forward in anticipation.

"And so the handsome, witty detective saved his danger prone assistant," An eye roll came from Valkyrie, " from the clutches of evil. The End." Clapping erupt from all over and Rosa's hand raised. Skulduggery pointed at her,

"Yes?" Rosa cleared her throat,

" Did the Detective and his assistant end up together?" Valkyrie turned bright red and Skulduggery seemed to stutter over his answer,

"Well how about I come back later and we'll find out together?" Rosa's and about every kid's face lit up at the prospect as Ms. Haywood took over. Skulduggery and Valkyrie said their goodbyes and climbed into the Bentley. Skulduggery removed his disguise.

"So do they?" Valkyrie asked the blush returning.

" You'll have to wait and find out." With that he started the car and started down the road.


	6. Purple

Purple

' I can't believe I'm doing this,' she thought as she slipped on the dress. Her Junior Prom. Originally she hadn't planned on going despite her parents' prodding but Skulduggery and Tanith had started bugging her about it. Finally she had cracked under the pressure. They were so annoying sometimes especially Skulduggery. She checked herself in the mirror and deemed herself as good as it was going to get, and bolted for the door. Her mother and father intercepted her fixing her, taking a billion pictures and making sure she had a ride. She lied and had told them that she was meeting Hannah Foley to go to Prom together. Her parents smiled after her as she went out the door and made her way to the beach.

He was waiting for her on the rock in his usual pinstripe suit. Valkyrie had made him promise to drive her if she was going. She made her way to sit next to him.

"Hello," was all he said as he stared ahead.

"Hey," She answered.

" I've got something for you." He finally turned to her and stared. Val's hair was in a messy up do that framed her face and she wore a tight fitted, empire waist dress made of dark purple fabric. She blushed as he looked. He coughed and focused his attention on her face, smiling (at least that's what Valkyrie thought he was doing).

"You look lovely. Wait here." Her blush deepened as he walked back to the car and grabbed a package. He handed it to her waiting hands and as she opened it he started talking.

" I thought you wouldn't have one and I've heard girls' wear them to dances. If you don't want to wear it...." There in the box was a corsage consisting of one white orchid. She smiled gently as she took it out and stared at it's perfection.

"Do you want me to put it on?" Skulduggery asked scratching his head, embarrassed.

"Sure." He took the corsage and placed it on her wrist. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Yes well...you're welcome. Oh look at the time! We'd better go." He sprinted to the car as she slowly wandered to the Bentley smirking at the back of the skeleton man.

X An orchid is a flower traditionally for a funeral so that's where that came from instead of a rose :)


	7. Red

Red

If he could cry he would have. The dark red substance bled through her shirt as he craddled her. His mind had blanked when he saw the bullet tear through her as if she were made of paper. She had smiled. Not screamed, not cried, just smiled as she fell. She had mouthed something and the two words that crossed her lips tore an equally big hole in his chest, where his heart should have been,

"Be brave."


	8. Taste

Taste

"How is it?" He asked the girl next to him, stuffing her face with the biggest ice cream cone he had seen in a long time.

" Delicious! Want some?" She offered but he shrank back at the request,

"No, thank you. No stomach, remember."

"You're a living skeleton."

"Your point?" she sighed as if the answer was obvious and spoke while she swallowed.

"You can't eat? I mean I figured with the magic.." he probably was raising his eyebrows.

"No." She stopped eating and walking staring at him in disbelief.

"You've never had ice cream!" She shrieked as if that were blasphemy, but he shrugged,

"I had it when I was alive but that was a long time ago. I remember it being quite good, though."

"It is! You don't know what you're missing!" She teased and took a big bite as if to prove her point. He smiled,

"Shut up."


	9. Winter

Winter

It was snowing! The first snow of the season and Valkyrie wasn't going to miss out! She changed quickly and planned to go out to Gordon's, only stopping to call Skulduggery to come pick her up. She told her parents where she was going, but tactfully leaving out who with and with a goodbye she was out the door and buckled safely in the Bentley. They reached the house in relative silence and got out of the car. Val raced to the snow and Skulduggery made a beeline for the warmth of the house. Thump! Something cold hit the back of his head. He swirled to view his attacker and found his partner smiling a very suspicious smirk.

"So that's how you want to play." He muttered, reaching down to pack the snow, "Well two can..." He was interrupted as another snowball hit him. He went on with his work packing the glistening snow together. When he was finished (a few snowball hits later) he turned and smirked at Valkyrie. Using his graceful and quick movements he made his way behind Valkyrie and before she could turn he stuffed the perfectly shaped snowball down her jacket. She jumped and let out a shierk falling over Skulduggery and landing on top of him in the process. Valkyrie blushed and stuttered as she got off of Skulduggery,

"I'm so sorry! I'm just gonna go inside...yeah, inside! Maybe make some hot chocolate...or something..." She practically ran to the steps the whole time silently cursing herself. Thump! Something cold dripped in her hair. She slowly rotated and caught Skulduggery smirking. She smiled,

"You know this means war." He shrugged,

"Naturally."


	10. Spring

Spring

"What is the thing on my head?" Skulduggery fought to keep the cool in his voice. Valkyrie looked at him as she laid against the big oak.

"It's a flower crown," she stated trying to contain her laughter.

"It's ridiculous."

"Yep!" She smiled as he stood up and made his way to where Val sat joining her on the grass.

"Why is it there?" he added.

"To amuse me. Though it couldn't top the hospital gown you wore, with the elephants and bunnies," Valkyrie snickered remembering that day with particular humor. A faint smile flickered over Skulduggery's face,

"You thought that was amusing, huh?" Val nodded.

"Yes. Yes I did." That's when Skulduggery's fingers shot out and were tickling Valkyrie until she couldn't breath.

"Now do you find that amusing? Consider your answer carefully." He returned to his position with his arms folded across his chest.

"I thought it was cute."

"Cute isn't exactly what I'm going for."


	11. Fall

Fall

The leaves framed her as they fell, the hues bringing out the gold in her dark, ashen hair. She was pretty to be sure, he had always known this, but now that she was eighteen she had gained a womanly beauty. Not that Skulduggery paid attention to that sort of thing. He didn't have the time but the way each leave glinted in her chocolate eyes as they fell and the smile she gave him...Maybe he noticed a little.


	12. Rain

Rain

They were stuck in the rain and Valkyrie was rather displeased.

"So where's that genius you're always bragging about?" She asked Skulduggery as they ran to the Bentley, which was still five blocks away.

"What, you think I can just turn the genius on? Valkyrie you can't rush perfection." He sounded dead serious (literally) so Valkyrie just rolled her eyes.

"Okay, then just displace the water."

"Not with so much I'm afraid. Only the old fashioned way of good old running." Valkyrie shivered and sneezed. Just great, now she was getting a cold. Skulduggery stopped and looked at her,

"Where's your coat?" She glared,

"At home, where you told me to leave it."

"You'll catch a cold."

"I'm well aware." Skulduggery slowly shrugged off his trench coat and handed it to Valkyrie. She just stared at it.

"Your disguise?"

"Long sleeves and gloves. Oh, and my hat of course."

"I can't take it." She pushed it back towards him.

"I'm a skeleton. I can't get sick, where as you can." He placed his coat on Val's shoulders and she pushed her arms through. It felt warm and smelled of peppermint or maybe that was just her imagination.

"Come on." Skulduggery called as he took off again. Valkyrie tugged at the coat and ran after him.


	13. Rain Cont

Rain Cont.

Two Days Later

Skulduggery sat in bed sick as a dog and Valkyrie read by his side.

"If I hadn't of given you my coat this wouldn't have happened at all. I'd been out investigating..." He grumbled. She glared,

"It's not like I forced you too."

"Yes, but I'm too much of a gentlemen not...." Valkyrie put a theomometer in Skulduggery's jaw leaving him to sulk in silence.


	14. He

He

He was an enigma. He was arrogant. He had the biggest ego. He was stubborn and he was always keeping things from her.

He was also funny. Intelligent. He protected her and most of all he cared...

Well, Valkyrie had always loved challenges.


	15. Thunder

Thunder

"What are you doing under the table?" Skulduggery raised his eye bone as he found Valkyrie shivering under Gordon's desk with her eyes closed and clutching her arms. The rain beat hard against the windows, lightning flashing, and thunder shuddered loud against the panels. This noise caused Val to shriek and pull herself tighter. Skulduggery slowly stated,

"You're scared of thunder?" Val looked up, the tears making Skulduggery flinch back.

"A bit." She quietly answered

"Why don't you come out from under there?"

"No." Skulduggery frowned and stooped down to her level, "Come on." his velvety voice coaxed her to look up. He offered his bony hand.

"You don't have to be scared anymore." She smiled through her tears and took his hand.

"Only of you?" she asked.

"I'm offended." She giggled as he led her to the kitchen, hoping to make her some hot coco and not make a disaster. For her sake.


	16. Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving

"You made all this?!" Tanith asked staring at the spread in front of her. Valkyrie shrugged,

"Skulduggery helped." Everyone turned to the skeleton who was reading a newspaper. Tanith smirked,

"So you did it by yourself."

"Yeah." Valkyrie had invited her friends to Thanksgiving at Gordon' house and made her own turkey. The table was now full of food and people namely Ghastly, Tanith, China, Mr. Bliss, and of course Skulduggery. Valkyrie finally sat next to Skulduggery which everyone made a move for the food afterwards. Valkyrie glared at them and coughed garnering their attention,

"We do have to give thanks on Thanksgiving you know." They all appeared sheepish, " I give thanks for all my friends and the world they've given me." All gently smiled and turned to Skulduggery. He looked up and raised an eyebrow,

"What?" Tanith face-faulted,

"Your thanks?"

"Myself."

"Other than yourself!" He seemed to ponder this slightly turning to look at Valkyrie.

"I am thankful for Valkyrie without whom I would not be here." Valkyrie blushed bright red glancing at him. Tanith smirked,

"Well, that's quite a declaration." Valkyrie muttered,

"Shut up."


	17. Birthday

Birthday

It was a small oval locket. After everyone had left her eighteenth birthday party all Valkyrie wanted to do was fall onto her bed and sleep for 100 years. She made it up to her room and was about to fall asleep when she heard a knock on her window. She rolled her eyes but brightened when she saw Skulduggery hanging gracefully on to her window sill. She opened the window enough for him to enter; he stood straightening himself to his full height placing his disguise on the table.

"What's wrong?" was all she said as she stood with her arms crossed across her chest.

"I can't just drop by?"

"Normal people, sure. You, not so much." He chuckled in a low voice.

"I just wanted to say Happy Birthday." And then he pulled her into a hug. It took Valkyrie a second to get used to it but once she did she molded to the bone beneath his coat.

"Anyway...so...yeah." Skulduggery broke the hug and put his disguise back on his head, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah." She smiled as he slipped out. A box on the table caught her eye.

"Skulduggery!" She grabbed the box and ran to the window. He was gone of course. She looked closely and noticed her name on the card in elegant script. She made her way to the bed and examined the box. It was a simple object, a black box jewelry would normally come in. She slowly opened it. Inside lay a silver intricately designed oval locket inlaid with green swirls. She gasped and gingerly picked it up. Opening it her eyes widened again. The only picture Skulduggery and Valkyrie had ever taken in a photo booth, where he had removed his disguise. His arm was around her and they were both smiling (at least she thought he was smiling). She mirrored the smile in the picture and put it on, whispering,

"Thank you." Somewhere Skulduggery smirked,

"Your welcome."


	18. Fireworks

Fireworks

The fireworks where possibly Valkyrie's favorite event of the year. When she was younger Valkyrie would imagine the entire light-show was just for her and when they would stop Valkyrie would cry waiting for some kind of encore. Now that Valkyrie was twenty this fanciful idea seemed silly, but she still loved it all the same.

The night of the fireworks Valkyrie planned to go with her parents, being one of the few times she saw her parents anymore. They found a spot crammed between the blankets of families on either side and settled to watch the display of color. Towards the end of the show Valkyrie's eye caught a flash of pin stripe and her face light up with a suspicious smile. She excused herself for a moment and disappeared into the crowd only to be pulled to one side by a sudden jerk. She gasped and hit her attacker playfully,

"Skulduggery Pleasant. If you ever scare me like that again I'll..."

"Shove my own bone up my backside. Any new threats?" He led her to a secluded corner and grinned widely.

"What is going on?" She asked impatiently.

"Just shut up and watch the fireworks." She pouted but returned to the fireworks noticing the skeleton's nervous glances in her direction. Then the sky light up with a message,

Valkyrie Cain, I love you

She gasped and stood for a second letting the notion sink in. She felt the man next to her go rigid and stutter,

" I know it's a little flashy...but...yeah...please say something." She shot up and hugged him around the neck,

"Very smooth." He smirked,

"Naturally."


	19. Family Life

Family Life

The little boy with curly brown hair and startling blue eyes looked at his mother and giggled as she stared blankly at his not yet assembled booster seat.

"It's not that difficult! I know it isn't!" Valkyrie said exasperated by the chair she had been working on for 5 hours at least. Where wae that man when she needed him! He was never around to help her! She groaned and made her little boy jump at the sound,

"Mommy what's wrong?" Valkyrie gently smiled and picked him up,

"Nothing Aiden. Mommy is going to kill your father when he gets home though." Aiden looked confused,

"Why?'

"Yes. Why? I've done absolutely nothing wrong...much." A man with the same blue eyes as his son came up behind them. He was slightly muscular and startling tall with crisp brown hair the pin stripe suit creasing as he walked like the smile he was giving creased his eyes.

"No. You're just never here when I need you Skulduggery!" He just kept smiling and she punched his arm lightly. Aiden giggled and followed his mother's example.

"Oh! Now you've done it!" He lifted the boy into his arms and started to tickle him.

"What are you gonna do, Daddy?" The boy asked between shreiks of laughter. Skulduggery smirked,

"Something really brave." and as he kissed his wife he heard his little boy eww.


	20. Date

Date

Skulduggery sat slack jawed staring at the bathroom door.

"A date?" A voice came from the bathroom,

"Yes, a date."

"Valkyrie, I don't think that's such a good idea…" Val stuck her head out of the door,

"Why?" He stuttered his response,

"Because…t-the world could be in jeopardy and…and you'll be on a d-d-date!"

"Right. So for no reason in other words." She went back into the bathroom. Skulduggery slumped,

"So what's his name?"

"Oh no. You're not going to find him, so just stop that thought right now."

"What?! It's not like I'm going to hurt him…much. Just scare him a bit." Valkyrie snorted,

" You know you sound like a jealous boyfriend." Skulduggery looked at the door in disbelief,

"I do not!"

"And now a toddler." She stepped out of the bathroom adjusting her earring. She was wearing a jean skirt with a maroon t-shirt and heels. "How do I look?"

"You couldn't find a longer skirt?"

"Skulduggery!"

"What?! You look great, I just thought you might have one of those peasant skirts?"

"No. I'm leaving." With this she came over and kissed the skeleton on the cheek. "Don't wait up." And she was gone. Hw touched the place he had kissed him.

"Don't count on it." He said as he settled in for the night.


	21. Crying

Crying

She came home crying. Running up to her room as the tears fell freely. She couldn't believe he would try that! She reached the room, opening the door to find Skulduggery sitting exactly where he was when she left, meditating. He picked up on her tears and came out of his trance slightly gaping at her red face,

"What's wrong?"

"He tried to…" and she burst into sobs. Skulduggery was up in a flash and pulling her close.

"Shhh. What happened?"

"Well, it was fun at first. We went bowling and ate out. Then he was driving me home but in the wrong direction. I pointed this out but he kept driving. Then he parked in a deserted park and kissed me but his hands roamed." Skulduggery's hands tightened into fists. "I hit him, hard and ran until I recognized something."

"Where is he?" Skulduggery whispered.

"Probably still there. I hit him pretty hard." Skulduggery chuckled and broke the hug,

"You get some sleep and don't worry about it." She pulled back and wiped some stray tears,

"Where are you going?"

"No where." She glanced at him skeptically.

"Don't kill anyone." he nodded, "Thank you." He smiled and made a move for the window,

"For what?"

"For what you've done and what you're going to do.'


	22. Hurt

Hurt

"It isn't like anyone got hurt…" Valkyrie tried knowing full well that Skulduggery would never take such a pathetic excuse. He was already barely talking to her since she had distracted a fully fledged vampire with herself. She knew she was only digging herself a bigger hole. He just stared out the window but his grip on the steering wheel tightened.

"You got hurt. Or did you miss the big gash on your leg."

"It's barely noticeable."

"It's humongous."

"With a little makeup…" He sighed and turned to her full on.

"You can't say that no one was hurt. You are not no one, and you never will be." She smiled and he returned to driving.

"Ok…only one person got hurt." He groaned.


	23. The Door

The Door

I knew what I'd done the minute the door closed. He never used the door. 'Ruins the romanticism' he would say when she got so mad at him for paying surprise visits. She never understood what was so romantic about stalking a poor innocent woman (yes woman, considering she had just turned 21) and scaring her. However when she brought up this point the would smile and reply,

"Poor and innocent…ha." Hitting him was the standard response.

He had left her. Probably never to return. She tried getting a straight answer but he skated gracefully away from the point. Finally the tears came and Valkyrie couldn't control their flow. He had smiled and reached out for her face,

" You want a reason." He paused and stroked her cheek, " You deserve better."


	24. Blush

Blush

Her blush was like a flurry of pink roses. It spread slowly across her face when Skulduggery, on the rare occasion, complimented her clothes, or usually made her uncomfortable. She tried to hide it as not to let it be brodcast to the world that she liked him, but he always noticed. No matter how hard she tried he would see her face light up and redden. Skulduggery loved it. He thought it made her, this tough young woman he had come to depend on, look vunerable. So in an effort to get a glimpse of the shy girl underneath he kept trying and trying. At first it didn't matter to Valkyrie but then it started to bother her until one day she had to address it,

"Why the heck do you love to see me squirm!?" Skulduggery grinned and chuckled at the frustrated and confused look that now graced Valkyrie's face. He would soon change that.

"Because you look cute when you blush." He shrugged and started to walk away. Valkyrie blushed, against her will, but a few seconds later he face got sneaky. She ran to catch up with Skulduggery and kissed him straight on the cheek. Valkyrie could imagine the red tint spread across his face. She giggled,

"So do you."

*I need story ideas people! Please message or comment and send me your ideas!


	25. Shopping

Shopping

He didn't know how he had been dragged into this. Sitting on a bench waiting for Valkyrie to come out of the shop which she had been in for hours. He tried to be patience after all he was perfect, but after awhile he became slightly agitated. In this irritation he followed the directions to where she would be and found it. Victoria Secret. The blush on his bone could almost be seen, and there she was picking from two bras she was looking at. She saw him and her blush showed up in a big way.

"What the hell are you doing!?" Valkyrie yelled as she ran to his side. Skulduggery coughed to hide his embarassment and only responded,

"I got bored." Val glared at him,

"Well, I'll be done soon so just sit out here." Then she paused as if contemplating something, "Wait right here." Then in a flash she was gone. Skulduggery swung on his heels looking anywhere but in the store when she came to the door holding the two bras she had looked at, "Which one?". She asked as if the question was totally normal. Skulduggery looked at her like she was crazy,

"What!?"

"Which one should I buy?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"Because...I want your opinion."

"On this..."

"Yes.

"Fine." He looked at the two, one a rather revealing black number with jews and one that was simply green and blue. "The blue and green."

"Really?"

"It's more you." Valkyrie looked at the choices and smiled.

"Thanks," and she ran off to pay.

"Your welcome." He stated and smirked knowing that if Tanith were here he would never live this down.


	26. Internet

Internet

He had been trying and failing for hours. This damned computer just wouldn't turn on. He had tried absolutely everything! Pushed buttons, turned knobs, and plugged in plug after plug with no reaction whatsoever. He was ready to just pitch the thing and let himself sit in peace but something kept him from proceeding with that plan. It was Valkyrie's computer and he was on edge using it anyway. She had gone out for a little while and the said in her serious tone only thing he was allowed to touch was the computer, only for emergencies. Now thoroughly frustrated he sighed and smacked his skull on the desk. Valkyrie chose this moment to enter the room,

"You ok?"

"Oh yeah. I enjoy smacking my head on tables."

"Computer troubles?"

"Oh no. Just staring at the screen mentally downloading the information."

"Oh. So you don't need my help?" Val shrugged as she started to walk out of the room.

"Wait." Skulduggery face twisted into one of sheer pain like he didn't want to ask for help but it really wasn't an option not to… "Fine." Valkyrie smirked.

"Fine what?"

"Fine. Ineedyourhelp." He said quickly in an effort to safe some of his manliness.

"I didn't quite catch that? Sorry?" She was into going to make this easier.

"Are you deaf or just stupid?" She just smiled, "I need your help." Her smile got wider and she made her way to the computer. Se examined it as if making a show or Skulduggery aware of her superiority, and then she flicked a switch in the back. The computer screen flickered on and she started for the door.

"Hysterical…" Skulduggery mumbled as she left the door and turned back to smirk at him.


	27. Ties

Ties

He never hated ties quite like this moment. Usually his only comfort zone was with a tie but now standing in front of everyone he was ready to run the opposite direction. Married! Him, married! How could this happen? He was a perpetual bachelor; never to have a woman to hold him down. Back then she wasn't a woman but a little girl who was more of a little sister. Over time she became more than that…something more important and certainly more fragile to him. He smirked. Maybe he was crazy. He didn't care, because she was made for him and he hoped he could be the man made for her.

The wedding music began with a slow funeral like melody, a personal joke between the pair. And in a moment she was there. His jaw clacked open when Valkyrie made her way down the aisle in a beautiful, off the shoulder white gown tinged with pink at the bottom. Everything slowed in that moment of complete and utter happiness as she took her place next to Skulduggery at the altar. He leaned and whispered in her ear,

'You look lovely." She grinned behind her veil and turned towards him,

"Isn't that what you said when you were sending me off to wait for a vampire that wanted to kill me?" He quietly chuckled,

"Damn your superior memory"


	28. Movies

Movies

She kept arguing to watch a horror movie. He warned her she would be scared. She, of course, was to stubborn to give in and she won with a cute pout that he couldn't resist. Now she was hiding behind him only peeking out on the few non gory that happened to show up. He smirked,

"You scared?"

"Shut up."

"I don't think your in a position to criticize my words Ms. Hide from the big bad monsters."

"Again, Shut. Up."

"Ok, question: You can fight pus demons from hell but you can't watch a scary movie." Val stared at him or the back of his head and glared.

"It's just…"

"What?"

"It's scarier on TV." Skulduggery looked confused.

"No it's not. If anything it's better because it's not. REAL."

"Well if…" At this moment a scream was heard followed by a gory blood splatter. Right in Skulduggery's ear another blood curdling scream came from the small girl next to him and she buried her head into his chest. Tears started to reach her eyes. Skulduggery's face softened. Sometimes he forgot she was only 13 because of the burning fire in her eyes when she fought and argued with him.

"Peter Pan?"

"Yes please!"


	29. Food Fight

Food Fight

It was supposed to be a quiet night baking a normal cake for her dad's birthday, but with Tanith around nothing is ever that straight forward,

"Tanith! Come help, and stop reading Gordon's stories. You've read them all at least three times." Valkyrie called from the kitchen kneading the cake dough in a large bowl. Tanith slightly looked up from her reading,

"But I just got to the good part!" Val swore that when Gordon's books where concerned Tanith was every bit the age she looked even a little younger,

"You promised to help."

"Alright, Alright. I'm coming." She slowly dragged herself from the comfort and relaxation of the chair picking up her apron as she went along, tying it in the back, and made it to where Valkyrie was standing. Tanith clapped her hands together and rubbed,

"Ok! What are we doing...?" Val sighed

"Making my dad's birthday cake."

"Right...So how do I do that?"

"Just stand there and crack eggs into a bowl. I'm making three tiers and each tier has four eggs..."

"Yeah, I lost you at tiers."

"Just crack four eggs each in three bowls." Tanith nodded and started to work. Valkyrie thanked the lord that no more distractions would be had and she would be able to make her cake in peace but things in this new world were rarely that simple.

"What are you two doing making a mess in Gordon's kitchen?" Skulduggery seemed to appear as if from no where right next to Valkyrie who in turn jumped bringing her hand down on Tanith's egg bowls coming down on Skulduggery's skull. Time seemed to freeze. Tanith and Valkyrie looked wide eyes at each other as Skulduggery slowly lifted a long finger to his head and felt the gooey substance.

"Good, but it's missing something. I think flour." At this moment he took up the bag of flour and poured on the girls. An all out war broke out with frosting flying and pastry flour strewn all over the whole house. Valkyrie quickly made her escape under the table but Skulduggery had had the same idea.

"Are you a friend or enemy?" He asked in all seriousness. Val giggled,

"That depends."

"On what?"

"On if you're a friend or enemy?" Skulduggery smirked,

"You got some frosting right there." He stated touching his right cheekbone and flicking. Valkyrie tried but couldn't find the exact spot where this frosting was. Seeing her struggle, Skulduggery reached out and touched the place where the frosting was wiping it off. It was at this moment they both seemed to relize how close they were to each other and turned bright red.

" Am I interrupting something?" Tanith smirked from above with a knowing grin. Their fervent denial only served to widen her smile, "Idiots."


	30. Meet the Parents

Meet the Parents

"I think it's time I met your parents." The man stated keeping his eyes on the road. She scoffed, 

"You've met my parents." he kept his eyes steady,

"I meant actually meet them. Like as your boyfriend." She spit the drink she had been casually sipping all over the front window of the Bentley and slowly turned to him.

"What?!" He flinched, 

"We've been going out for a year. What's wrong with that?"

"Except for the idea, you mean."

"Your parents will love me, everyone does." She glared,

"You're so conceited."

"But that's what you love about me. You're avoiding the subject."

"What subject?"

"Very funny. Leave the comedy to the professionals."

"Like you?"

"Yes, like me" He glanced at her and smirked, "So?"

"It's just to weird I mean I couldn't introduce you by your name."

"I'll pick a different one. How about Darren?" He saw her face contort in disgust, "Ok that's a no."

"Why do you want to talk to them?"

"I thought it was tradition to get the parents consent if you're going to get married." He chuckled at her expression,

"What did you just say?"

"Marry…me…you." He tossed a small box in her direction. She opened it slowly nd inside lad a beautiful single gold diamond on an intricate silver band. She smiled,

"So how does Bernard sound?"


	31. China

China

She knew his weakness from the moment she met Valkyrie. The look in his eyes when Valkyrie first walked in the room with a determined look on her face. She had never seen that look on his face since Allison. She never thought she'd see it again for that fact. He sat on her couch, nervous, it was one of Valkyrie's many dates, and Skulduggery liked to spend it pacing China's room as well as the library. It was actually rather amusing. China was in the kitchen making him some tea, to calm him down. China giggled as he sat down and rested his head in his hands. China carried the tea set over to him,

"You should take a break," Skulduggery looked up and slightly smiled,

"I'm fine."

"Yeah the pained expression on your blank face is a dead giveaway that you're fine." He smirked and asked,

"Is it really that obvious?"

"It one word...yes." China sat down next to him and turned to look at him,

"Why haven't you told her?"

"She's too young..."

"After someone in the relationship is centuries old age doesn't become a problem. You were 30 when you died and she's 25, so theorectically, you are the same age. Next excuse."

"She deserves someone...normal." China stared at the hurt skelington,

"Skulduggery. You are normal. Maybe not on the outside but inside you're still a man and you still love her." Skulduggery's smile was almost ghostlike as it flickered across his skull. "And if you don't tell her soon you'll lose her...and I'll kill you personally."

"I'm technically already dead."

"I'll figure something out."


	32. Drivers License

Driver License

"What are you doing?! Stop! Stop right now!" Skulduggery yelled as Valkyrie slammed on the breaks.

"What? What am I doing wrong?"

"Gently on the gas pedal! Gently!" Valkyrie was finally learning to drive and although Skulduggery had suggested he help her all he had done for the past three hours was yell. Valkyrie's patience was being tried.

"Ok! What is you're problem? You suggested this! I am going at the legal speed and stopping at all the stop lights! What is wrong?" She made sure to emphasize the words as she said them.

"You ran off the road a couple of minutes ago!"

"Just a tiny bit."

"Listen. This car is a very delicate piece of machinery which requires full concentration. You don't seem to be concentrating at all."

"That's all I've been doing for the past three hours."

"Frankly, we're going to keep doing this until you learn to drive." Valkyrie sighed,

"Frankly, I hate you." Skulduggery head tilted to a pout position.

"No, you don't."

"Yes, it fact, I do." Skulduggery started to worry. Valkyrie had never taken that tone with him. She adored him as her idol. What she aspired to be and looked up to. At least in his mind. Maybe it was time to compromise.

"Ok, How about I won't talk for the whole time and you show me what you've learned? Would you hate me then?" Valkyrie sighed and smirked.

"Maybe not as much."

"I'll take it." Valkyrie started to pull onto the road...

"Take it Easy! Stop! Stop right now!" Valkyrie's glare could kill, "Sorry."


	33. Train Tracks

Train Tracks

Wandering aimlessly down a beaten railway, Valkyrie stopped at a old train station and sat on the rickety bench. She couldn't believe it. Never in a million years had she thought she would live to see this day. It had been five years. Five years since he had been just a face covered by a hat. Five Years since their beginning and five years since she first saw the signs. She smiled all the time when she was in his presence, she hung on his every word, she put up with the craziness that seemed to follow in his wake, and most of all he made her feel wanted. Special. Like there was no one else in the world who he'd rather be arguing with.

He had left. A couple of days ago he had just left, without saying a word or even leaving any sign of goodbye. He had always joked that he was terrible with goodbyes, but Valkyrie had thought that was all it was. A joke. But now, there was only the faint rustle of leaves to remind her how alone she was.

She should be getting back home. It was already 4:00am and she had school in the morning but something faint in the back of her mind told her to wait. Wait for whatever was coming down the tracks. Or who.

Valkyrie almost cried. For here he was. Her skeleton man, with skin and hair. Walking down the tracks without a care in the world. She didn't know how she knew it was him but when a grin broke out across the man's face, a spark of fire light up the dawn. It was Skulduggery.


	34. Twilight

Twilight

_I do not own Twilight nor Skulduggery Pleasant, sadly._

Skulduggery found her in Gordon's study, her nose stuck in a book. He sighed at the image, shaking his head but trudged on with intention.

"You realize of course that you do actually have to practice if you ever expect to get better at magic." Val sprang at the velvety voice but that was soon changed to a look of sarcastic nonchalance which she normally regarded Skulduggery with on a daily basis.

"You realize of course," she responded in almost a dead on imitation of Skulduggery's voice, "That in some places it's considered rude to sneak up on someone."

"Ah, true, but you will admit that that is a locational rule that I would argue does not apply at the current time." Skul saw a slight tinge of that smile he so loved to see light up her face as she slowly closed her book and walked up to him. She walked right up until she was neck and neck with him or neck to spinal cord as was the case and skirted past the skeleton to the other side of the door.

"The rule applies now." Val felt a smile from her mentor and received a quick touché as they walked outside. Valkyrie could almost feel curiosity radiating from the skeleton and finally asked, "What is it?" A tilt of his head told of embarrassment but he asked anyway,

"What were you reading?" It was Valkyrie turn to look a little embarrassed which caused Skul to smirk in return. Her answer at first came out as a bled together statement incomprehensible to Skulduggery. "I'm sorry what was that?" She looked angry for a second and finally sighed muttering under her breath,

"Twilight."

"That book about the vampires and werewolves."

"Yes."

"You know that book is complete hogwash and vampires aren't really good and they will eat humans not fall in love with them. And don't even get me started on the mistakes that woman made concerning werewolves"

"Yes." Skulduggery looked a little exasperated,

"Well, then why read that book?" Valkyrie looked sheepish and shuffed her foot along the grass,

"Edward is shiny." Val looked up in time to see Skulduggery perform a perfect face fault into the grass.

_Sorry I haven't updated in awhile but I've been very busy __J Here's another chapter (sorry about the Twilight reference but it had to be done)_


	35. LOVE

**L.O.V.E**

**They'd been married for 10 years, but he still had a knack for being romantic and sweeping her off her feet. So when he came up behind her in the kitchen and wrapped his strong arms around her she was sure today was going to be a good day. She turned to look at his face, that so many had regarded with disgust, with pure love and smiled as she gazed into those tired eyes that crinkled as a smile passed upon his lips. He adored seeing her in housewife mode. There was nothing in her that remotely hinted at the fact that she was a mother to two beautiful children and a wife. When she was in battle it was completely different, but no matter where she was he loved her and he couldn't wait to spoil her for this one day.**

" **The kids are gone." He smirked as her face light up. She loved her children but it was nice to not to hear 'Mom, where's my shoes! Why isn't my lunch packed!" for one day. **

"**Where'd you dump our lovely darlings?"**

"**With their godparents." A little bit of apprehension bled into her eyes.**

"**Are you sure that's a good idea?"**

"**No."**

"**Just checking." They spent a few more seconds staring into each other eyes and he was the first one to break the spell though it killed him every time,**

"**I'm going to get changed. You should too at some point because we've got a lot to do today." A glow light up the face that he never got tired of. **

"**I'm gonna to finish up here and then I'll go get changed." **

"**Hurry."**

"**I will, but these dishes will not clean themselves you know."**

"**You do remember I have magic don't you?" The glare she gave him could have killed the most powerful of mages, "Right. Don't tell you how to do things. Got it."**

"**Right. Good dog." With a bark he turned and slowly made his way to the hallway. A few minutes later the gramophone, that he had insisted they buy for the romance of owning such an object, started to fill the house with Nat King Cole's crooning voice floating just within reach of her ears. She smirked. He knew she was a sucker for Nat King Cole. **

"**L is for the way you look at me…O is for the only one I see…" She started to hum the tune that had for so long had made every sad day a little bit brighter. He got to the kitchen in time to see that she had started dancing a little and singing. He leaned against the door, a hint of a smile in the corner of his mouth, watching her, so oblivious to his presence, staring at the lovely girl he had married. How did he ever get so lucky? One of life's little miracles he supposed. She weaved gracefully in and out of picking the dry dishes and putting them in their respective shelves. He finally stopped watching and came up behind her, taking the dish from her hand and twirling her so her hair made an arc as she turned. She was shining when she saw him and they started to dance. Not very well executed dancing but a clumsy expressive movement that only two people who knew each other so thoroughly as the pair would have the courage to perform. Slowly the song reached it's climax and winded down, but the couple stayed swaying with each other enjoying the warmth that only the other could provide. To an outsider the pair might have looked a bit insane but to the people who mattered it made all the sense in the world. She slowly pulled her head back from the resting place on his shoulder and saw the smile that he reserved especially for moments like this. A cross between the Cheshire Cat and a sheepish grin. A smile that had pride and humbleness all wrapped up in his lips. A doorbell suddenly shook the pair from their quiet revelries, for the music had gone off long ago. His smile turned into a look of annoyance as he approached the door. There stood Skulduggery holding Cain and Valkyrie running up with Eve shouting that interrupting Cain and Eve's parents might not be the best idea. Tanith had been left back in the living room shocked that the moment she had just had was over already and sighed as she saw the cause of reality. Skulduggery only could stare and quickly handed Cain to his father.**

"**I'm sorry, Ghastly but I don't seem to have the knack for children that I used to." Ghastly sighed and smiled,**

"**Too bad." With this Cain was given back to Skul's tilted skull of annoyance and the door was quickly shut.**

_**Bet you thought it was Valkyrie and Skulduggery the whole time right? Or maybe you're didn't but either way is fine **__**J I took a little break for a Ghastly and Tanith chapter because I just reread the third book and saw glimpses of Ghastly and Tanith throughout so I wrote this chapter out of that thought and hope you enjoyed!**_

_**I owned nothing (except for Cain and Eve) unfortunately :P **_


	36. Superhero

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except for Aidan. All other characters belong to the Great Golden God (aka Derek Landy).

Superhero

The little boy glanced up from his vintage comic book, The Brave and The Bold issue #57 to watch his parents. His mother, a young woman with straight black hair was silently glaring at a cooking book and was surrounding by various food messes. His father sat at the dining room table across from his son with his feet propped up and a case file hiding the fact he was sleeping from his wife. Aidan's eight year old eyes flickered from his mother heating up the pot of...whatever she was cooking with a flick of her finger to his father flipping the pages of the case file using the air around his hands. Aidan's lip curled up in a snicker and he turned again to his comic book and the dynamic Metamorpho who was currently defeating the evil Java by transforming his body into water vapor. Again the blue orbs focused on the dingy brown fedora peeking out from behind the folder.

"Hey dad?" Skulduggery Pleasant jolted out of his seat, gun cocked, hat slightly crooked and his suit jacket that is normally so perfectly pressed was wrinkled. Valkyrie smirked and filled a bowl with the goop she had slaved away on.

"Smooth," she muttered under her breath placing the substance in front of her shell shocked husband and her equally amused son. Skulduggery coughed and straightened his hat. Sitting back down in the chair, Skulduggery's head cocked towards his boy.

"Yes Aidan?" He opened the case file again and tried to retain some of the dignity he had lost.

"Are you a superhero?" The room was silent. All activity had ceased, from his mother filling up her own bowl to his father trying to keep from gagging at his wife's lastest creation. Aidan wondered if he had said something wrong. Suddenly Valkyrie keeled over with laughter. A kind of combination of giggling and snorting punctuated with pointing at Skulduggery who made no movement.

"Oh baby boy...I think you've confused your father with someone who actually can help people instead of someone whose just throwing some fists." His mother squeaked out as she continued laughing. Skulduggery couldn't help but smile at that little assessment.

"No Aidan. I'm not a superhero. But despite what your mother so wrongly believes, I am not the one who throws fists first and asks questions later." His finger pointed accusingly towards the young woman from behind his folder. Her lips quirked,

"Oh I forgot. You prefer bullets right?" Aidan smiled as his father who discreetly moved the gun underneath the table. Skulduggery turned back to the boy cocking his head,

"Why do you ask Danny?" His son's curly haired head tilted down in embarrassment.

"Well, I just...You guys control elements and...well... Dad, you're always saving people...and somehow you try to keep the streets safe from..." His voice lowered and his face flushed, "Evil..." It was Skulduggery's turn to laugh,

"Maybe but I'm never wearing tights." Valkyrie smiled but shrugged her shoulder,

"I don't know he's got a point. You do fly. I mean when I was a kid I thought you were pretty heroic." Skulduggery crossed his arms staring at a crack in the table in front of him, all laughter gone from his demenor,

" I'm no hero." The words came out harsher than he had intended and Aidan's eyes widened. Picking at his food, his eyes found the floor,

"Just forget it. It was stupid." Valkyrie and Skulduggery exchanged sad looks. They hated to see the normally grinning boy suddenly retreat into his shell. Valkyrie elbowed her husband and gave him the most withering glare witnessed by man or skeleton. Skulduggery shrugged in a pathetic I-don't-know-what-I-did-way. A quick punch to the shoulder and a gesture towards the eight year old, told him he was responsible for fixing the broken faced boy. Turning back to his boy, Skulduggery sighed and leaned back in his chair to stroke his chin.

"You know, if I'm a hero..." Aidan perked up a bit, his eyes glancing towards the cover of the comic book. Valkyrie smiled, nodded her head, and went back to munching happily on the concoction she had created. Skulduggery leaned back in his chair and placing his hands behind his head,

"Then you Valkyrie..." Her ears perked and Aidan leaned in, eyes glowing with anticipation, "are my damsel in distress."

The slap and little boy's laughter could be heard down the street.

*So little Aidan makes a return! Now a little older but still observing his parents going at it like dogs and cats. I love writing homey Skulduggery and Valkyrie! By the way if you didn't get it Danny is short for Aidan (Ok not really short for but it's a kind of nickname). Thanks for reading!


	37. Bacallsian

_Author Note: This one's a little off but it was a plot bunny that wouldn't leave me alone. Maybe I'll get around to fixing it sometime but for now it's what it is. Enjoy!_

Bacallsian

In the end, he decided to blame the whole incident on Grace Kelly. Wasn't she the one who had made him believe for all those years that the object of his affection was a lilting, innocent angel? Hadn't she been his object of delusional affection for so long he had believed that to be the only woman capable of turning his head? So wouldn't it in turn be her fault that now at the 65th Annual Teapot Collector's Auction, Skulduggery's skull would be turned and not in a Princess Grace direction leading to a multitude of confusion.

* * *

"What kind of second class villian decides to target a teapot auction?" Skulduggery turned to his now 22 year old partner, who despite her advancement in age was still fidgeting in the dress she had worn to the occasion. He didn't know what the problem with it was. It was black after all.

"A bargain hunter." The lack of roaring laughter made him tilt his facade to look at her again. The facade he currently had on was ginger so he was feeling particularly witty this evening. Instead of the appropriate show of amusement, he was treated to an eye roll and scoff.

"You're such a dork." Though he swore he caught a hint of a smile in the corner of her mouth. Skulduggery grabbed his chest in pain.

"You wound me at the core."

"Cut it out. We've got work to do remember." They were supposed to be looking around for the mysterious teapot theif who showed up every year to steal the most valuable item at the auction. This year it was pair of 'Famille Rose' Coral-Ground Teapots from the Qianlong period, which was currently being housed on a wooden raised platform with a policeman who looked like he had had one too many doughnuts.

"But with such tip top security, our job seems a bit moot don't you think?" As if to prove his point, the policeman let out a large belch and scratched an area where the sun don't shine. Valkyrie tried to contain her laughter but it wasn't working terribly well.

"Still, while we're here, we might as well try to catch a criminal. I don't want to say I wore a dress for nothing. Let's split up." Skulduggery smiled as her keen eyes took in the surroundings.

"Trying to get rid of me already?"

"Yes." He chose not to be offended by how fast the she had spoken. With that she started to walk towards an elephant shaped teapot which was currently surrounded by a crowd of old woman all staring with the same small opera glasses. However apparently she thought better of leaving and whirled to face her partner. "Whistle if you find anything." Her voice had gone silkier and as her raven hair fell back into place, Skulduggery saw a glint of danger in her dark eyes. "You know how to whistle, don't you Bones?" The tips of her carefully tinted lips turned upwards in wicked glee. "You just put your lips together...and blow." With that she blew him a whistle and turned on her heels. The black silk clung to her legs as she sashayed out of the room. Skulduggery had tried to whistle the rest of the night.

* * *

'If he ever got around to dying,' he thought as he sat in his home trying to get the distinctly not Grace image out of his head, 'He was going to hell.'


End file.
